If you are a man facing divorce, this is quite simply the most important letter you will read today – and possibly the most important letter you will read in your lifetime!
It’s true and here’s why:
In less than the 10 minutes it takes you to read this letter, I’m going to reveal how you can quickly and easily WIN your divorce and keep from losing everything that’s important to you – like your kids, your house, your car, your TV, your clothes and much, much more!
That’s Why I Urge You to Go Lock the Door, Take the Phone Off the Hook, Turn Off Your Cellphone &Get Comfortable So That You Can Read ThisEntire Letter Now From Beginning to End!
It is that important.
Find out more in the Men's Divorce Strategies Guide.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Shame of Being Last For Our Kids | From Ireland
Nobody should be complacent about the latest Unicef report into childcare services. Out of 25 developed countries, it ranked Ireland joint last. Last!
We are the worst. We put fewest resources and least thought into how our children are raised.
Let's see who's better than us: Slovenia, for a start (10th); South Korea (18th) and even Mexico (19th) rank higher than we do.
The news about pig farmers, medical cards, cervical vaccinations and recession is depressing, but surely being shown up for our don't-care attitude when it comes to childcare is really worse?
Guilt
In fact, Ireland meets only one of 10 benchmarks of minimum standards for protecting children's rights.
But while the report should leave the Government feeling embarrassed over its lack of insight and planning, it is mums and dads who will feel most of the guilt.
The Unicef report claims that babies who are placed in childcare before the age of 12 months can suffer psychological harm and fare poorly at school, and that aggressive behaviour learned by some children at nurseries may contribute later to classroom disruption and anti-social behaviour.
It says we are taking a "high-stakes gamble with today's children and tomorrow's world" and that formal childcare settings such as creches "may weaken the attachment between parents and child". It raises doubts about the long-term impact on children's development.
"The younger the child and the longer the hours spent in childcare, the greater the risk. In particular, long hours of childcare for those under the age of one year is widely regarded as inappropriate," it went on.
So, while you thought you were doing the best thing for your baby by finding a good creche, interviewing kind carers and forking out thousands in fees so that your baby gets the best while you join the long commute and breathe a sigh of relief that at least he or she is being stimulated and cared for while you slog away to pay for it, it seems you were wrong.
And, if you're a nice, middle-class family with high values about education and social development, it's even worse. Unicef claims that while formal childcare arrangements can benefit disadvantaged children by offering them stimulation and development they might not get at home, children from wealthier families might end up suffering behavioural and aggression problems in school from not being attached to mummy's hip all day.
Of course, for the vast majority of couples, opting for childcare is something they don't have the choices about that Unicef would wish, because we don't live in an ideal world. Ideally, mums or dads would be able to stay at home full time for the first year or two of baby's life (assuming it didn't drive them bonkers). Everyone knows this: it certainly doesn't take a lengthy report to tell us.
Cuts
In an ideal world (or any Nordic country) governments would also know this and create policies to allow it to happen.
But in the real world (Ireland), families have to eat, pay the mortgage and bills while they have a Government which thinks nothing of cutting education budgets in schools and actually creating a situation where more tax is paid by a couple where one of them chooses to stay at home.
So, as women are being encouraged to enter the workforce and do so in large numbers, they are made to feel bad all over again by research such as this. But having your child in a loving, nurturing childcare facility does not produce an anti-social bully in later life. Having parents who don't give a toss about where their kids are and what they are doing, does.
It would be nice to think that someone in Leinster House was actually going to sit down and read this report or even consider altering social policy to address some of its concerns. Much more likely, sadly, is that people in Barnardos and the Children's Ombudsman will keep banging their heads against their respective brick walls, as will the thousands of parents around the country who wish things could be different.
http://www.herald.ie/opinion/columnists/sinead-ryan/shame-of-being-last-for-our-kids-1573067.html
We are the worst. We put fewest resources and least thought into how our children are raised.
Let's see who's better than us: Slovenia, for a start (10th); South Korea (18th) and even Mexico (19th) rank higher than we do.
The news about pig farmers, medical cards, cervical vaccinations and recession is depressing, but surely being shown up for our don't-care attitude when it comes to childcare is really worse?
Guilt
In fact, Ireland meets only one of 10 benchmarks of minimum standards for protecting children's rights.
But while the report should leave the Government feeling embarrassed over its lack of insight and planning, it is mums and dads who will feel most of the guilt.
The Unicef report claims that babies who are placed in childcare before the age of 12 months can suffer psychological harm and fare poorly at school, and that aggressive behaviour learned by some children at nurseries may contribute later to classroom disruption and anti-social behaviour.
It says we are taking a "high-stakes gamble with today's children and tomorrow's world" and that formal childcare settings such as creches "may weaken the attachment between parents and child". It raises doubts about the long-term impact on children's development.
"The younger the child and the longer the hours spent in childcare, the greater the risk. In particular, long hours of childcare for those under the age of one year is widely regarded as inappropriate," it went on.
So, while you thought you were doing the best thing for your baby by finding a good creche, interviewing kind carers and forking out thousands in fees so that your baby gets the best while you join the long commute and breathe a sigh of relief that at least he or she is being stimulated and cared for while you slog away to pay for it, it seems you were wrong.
And, if you're a nice, middle-class family with high values about education and social development, it's even worse. Unicef claims that while formal childcare arrangements can benefit disadvantaged children by offering them stimulation and development they might not get at home, children from wealthier families might end up suffering behavioural and aggression problems in school from not being attached to mummy's hip all day.
Of course, for the vast majority of couples, opting for childcare is something they don't have the choices about that Unicef would wish, because we don't live in an ideal world. Ideally, mums or dads would be able to stay at home full time for the first year or two of baby's life (assuming it didn't drive them bonkers). Everyone knows this: it certainly doesn't take a lengthy report to tell us.
Cuts
In an ideal world (or any Nordic country) governments would also know this and create policies to allow it to happen.
But in the real world (Ireland), families have to eat, pay the mortgage and bills while they have a Government which thinks nothing of cutting education budgets in schools and actually creating a situation where more tax is paid by a couple where one of them chooses to stay at home.
So, as women are being encouraged to enter the workforce and do so in large numbers, they are made to feel bad all over again by research such as this. But having your child in a loving, nurturing childcare facility does not produce an anti-social bully in later life. Having parents who don't give a toss about where their kids are and what they are doing, does.
It would be nice to think that someone in Leinster House was actually going to sit down and read this report or even consider altering social policy to address some of its concerns. Much more likely, sadly, is that people in Barnardos and the Children's Ombudsman will keep banging their heads against their respective brick walls, as will the thousands of parents around the country who wish things could be different.
http://www.herald.ie/opinion/columnists/sinead-ryan/shame-of-being-last-for-our-kids-1573067.html
Monday, December 01, 2008
Family's A Career For Some Dads
After he bows, 5-year-old Jasper Thomas practices karate kicks in the morning before he dresses himself, makes his bed, feeds his dog, Moki, and lets him outside.
Then he wakes his parents.
"His karate teacher told him it's a privilege to be here," said Jasper's mother, Julie Thomas. She said her son wants to prove that he's responsible enough to earn the right.
"His chores are like his work," Julie said. "He wants to be like his dad."
He is well on his way.
Jeff Thomas, 33, has a full-time job unlike many fathers in Utah.
"I'm a stay-at-home-dad," Jeff said.
"My main priority is these guys," he said, pointing at the two blond children on playground equipment at the park. The kids were trying to get Moki to go down the slide.
"I grew up in a career-oriented home among socialites," Thomas said. "I was really neglected because of that."
By the time he was 7 years old, Jeff Thomas was basically taking care of himself. He wants a different childhood for his children.
"When you get neglected," Jeff said as tears came to his eyes, "you struggle because you want to be loved. I don't want them to have the same feeling as I had when I was growing up."
After his parents divorced, Jeff said, his family situation reached a point where he was almost placed in foster care. Instead, he went to live with his sister in Boise. There, he helped raise her family. By the time he was 13, he was reading books with titles like "Circle of Life."
"She had child-development books lying around everywhere," Jeff said. "I was a teenager and was reading those books. It prepared me for this."
Julie said her husband has wanted to be a stay-at-home dad from the beginning.
"On our first date," Julie said, "we said if we ever stayed together, he'd have to be a stay-at-home-dad and I'd work."
Thirteen years later, the couple is living that goal in the Daybreak development, where they live with their children, Jasper and a 2-year-old daughter, Jaden. Each morning, Julie, 30, awakes about 6 a.m. to start her telecommuting job in their basement, where she works until the afternoon. Jeff takes care of the children, and in the evening he works part time from home as an airline reservation agent.
"I never imagined that we would luck out and I could work from home," Julie said.
On a wall in their home hangs a collage of family photos surrounding the words, "No ordinary moment."
"As a parent," Jeff said, "the situation is always changing. You have to deal with new scenarios."
He said that some men, when they find out he is a stay-at-home dad, assume it's an easy job.
"Dude, you need to have more respect for your wife," Jeff said of his response. "They have no clue."
With an acronym that sounds like "sad," it is no surprise stay- at-home dads (SAHDs) may battle for a better image.
Or, in Utah, any image.
"I think Utah is just very unique," said Jeff, who has a registered Web site for SAHDs in Utah.
He said he occasionally meets up with another SAHD he knows in Layton. "It takes a lot to motivate dads to get out together."
Despite Utah's limited numbers, SAHDs are increasing in the United States. Of the estimated 64.3 million fathers in 2006, according to the Survey of Income and Program Participation, 159,000 were SAHDs, according to America's Families and Living Arrangements.
The study defines SAHDs as married fathers with children younger than 15 and who have remained out of the labor force for at least one year primarily so they can care for the family while their wives work outside the home.
On blog sites such as AtHomeDad.org, RebelDad.com or Fatherville.com, stay-at-home dads all over the country discuss child-rearing issues like potty training, personality problems, dressing a child modestly or dressing a child's wounds.
Who are these dads?
"Forget the buttoned-down, three-piece-suit-wearing fathers of yesteryear," authors Ron
Rentel and Joe Zellnik say, "who arrive home from work just in time for dinner and who left nurturing strictly to mom."
In their book "Karma Queens, Geek Gods and Innerpreneurs," Rentel and Zellnik wrote that these 25- to 40-year-old "Denim Dads" were raised during the '70s when feminism was in "full force."
"Girls of the time were told they could grow up to be anything they wanted to be," Rentel and Zellnik wrote, "and the first generation of Denim Dads was taking it all in."
Rentel and Zellnik wrote that a full third of this generation had divorced parents, and though not all Denim Dads turned out to be SAHDs, they were "determined to do things differently."
"I've never been one to hold to conventional wisdom anyway," Kenn Johnson said.
Johnson, 35, is a SAHD. He and his wife, Jolene, 31, live in Bountiful. Kenn works part time with KSL and Jolene is a nurse practitioner.
"She makes more than I ever could in radio," Kenn said. He said that his being at home with the kids "just made sense." Jolene works a 12- and 24-hour shift during the week, and Kenn works a couple hours each morning from home. The rest of the time the family is free to spend time together.
Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Jun 15, 2008 by Molly Bennett Deseret News
Then he wakes his parents.
"His karate teacher told him it's a privilege to be here," said Jasper's mother, Julie Thomas. She said her son wants to prove that he's responsible enough to earn the right.
"His chores are like his work," Julie said. "He wants to be like his dad."
He is well on his way.
Jeff Thomas, 33, has a full-time job unlike many fathers in Utah.
"I'm a stay-at-home-dad," Jeff said.
"My main priority is these guys," he said, pointing at the two blond children on playground equipment at the park. The kids were trying to get Moki to go down the slide.
"I grew up in a career-oriented home among socialites," Thomas said. "I was really neglected because of that."
By the time he was 7 years old, Jeff Thomas was basically taking care of himself. He wants a different childhood for his children.
"When you get neglected," Jeff said as tears came to his eyes, "you struggle because you want to be loved. I don't want them to have the same feeling as I had when I was growing up."
After his parents divorced, Jeff said, his family situation reached a point where he was almost placed in foster care. Instead, he went to live with his sister in Boise. There, he helped raise her family. By the time he was 13, he was reading books with titles like "Circle of Life."
"She had child-development books lying around everywhere," Jeff said. "I was a teenager and was reading those books. It prepared me for this."
Julie said her husband has wanted to be a stay-at-home dad from the beginning.
"On our first date," Julie said, "we said if we ever stayed together, he'd have to be a stay-at-home-dad and I'd work."
Thirteen years later, the couple is living that goal in the Daybreak development, where they live with their children, Jasper and a 2-year-old daughter, Jaden. Each morning, Julie, 30, awakes about 6 a.m. to start her telecommuting job in their basement, where she works until the afternoon. Jeff takes care of the children, and in the evening he works part time from home as an airline reservation agent.
"I never imagined that we would luck out and I could work from home," Julie said.
On a wall in their home hangs a collage of family photos surrounding the words, "No ordinary moment."
"As a parent," Jeff said, "the situation is always changing. You have to deal with new scenarios."
He said that some men, when they find out he is a stay-at-home dad, assume it's an easy job.
"Dude, you need to have more respect for your wife," Jeff said of his response. "They have no clue."
With an acronym that sounds like "sad," it is no surprise stay- at-home dads (SAHDs) may battle for a better image.
Or, in Utah, any image.
"I think Utah is just very unique," said Jeff, who has a registered Web site for SAHDs in Utah.
He said he occasionally meets up with another SAHD he knows in Layton. "It takes a lot to motivate dads to get out together."
Despite Utah's limited numbers, SAHDs are increasing in the United States. Of the estimated 64.3 million fathers in 2006, according to the Survey of Income and Program Participation, 159,000 were SAHDs, according to America's Families and Living Arrangements.
The study defines SAHDs as married fathers with children younger than 15 and who have remained out of the labor force for at least one year primarily so they can care for the family while their wives work outside the home.
On blog sites such as AtHomeDad.org, RebelDad.com or Fatherville.com, stay-at-home dads all over the country discuss child-rearing issues like potty training, personality problems, dressing a child modestly or dressing a child's wounds.
Who are these dads?
"Forget the buttoned-down, three-piece-suit-wearing fathers of yesteryear," authors Ron
Rentel and Joe Zellnik say, "who arrive home from work just in time for dinner and who left nurturing strictly to mom."
In their book "Karma Queens, Geek Gods and Innerpreneurs," Rentel and Zellnik wrote that these 25- to 40-year-old "Denim Dads" were raised during the '70s when feminism was in "full force."
"Girls of the time were told they could grow up to be anything they wanted to be," Rentel and Zellnik wrote, "and the first generation of Denim Dads was taking it all in."
Rentel and Zellnik wrote that a full third of this generation had divorced parents, and though not all Denim Dads turned out to be SAHDs, they were "determined to do things differently."
"I've never been one to hold to conventional wisdom anyway," Kenn Johnson said.
Johnson, 35, is a SAHD. He and his wife, Jolene, 31, live in Bountiful. Kenn works part time with KSL and Jolene is a nurse practitioner.
"She makes more than I ever could in radio," Kenn said. He said that his being at home with the kids "just made sense." Jolene works a 12- and 24-hour shift during the week, and Kenn works a couple hours each morning from home. The rest of the time the family is free to spend time together.
Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Jun 15, 2008 by Molly Bennett Deseret News
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